I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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