I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
