I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
