Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
