I puked a lego.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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