Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
