She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
