Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
