Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
