he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We need a shit load of segways right now
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
