umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Randomize
