'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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