I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
