the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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