This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
