Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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