Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
