thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I will pee on everything he values.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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