There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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