your thong is hanging out like whoa
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
