just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
