whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize