It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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