i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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