Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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