Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
