you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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