11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
