I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
