4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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