After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
