when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we have officially lost it.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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