I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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