why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
