I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
