Three words: puerto rican gang bang
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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