This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
