Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
