Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
