2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
