i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
