I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
