Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
