Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
