Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize