she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
