I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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