butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize