standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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