ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
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