Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
