By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
