I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
