i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
