Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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