I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
