Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
