I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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