Im at strip club and am horny
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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