somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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