I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
