Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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