kristin has been a bad kristin
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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