Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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