I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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