My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
