I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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