Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize