I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
