you didnt know i had herpes?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
