it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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