Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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