OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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