All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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