Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
