i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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