How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
