Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You ruined the universe
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
