I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
