she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
