The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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